Kakizaki Memi tells her hometown about Hiragana Keyaki's year of rapid progress

Kakizaki Memi: "Running the whole time" through a year of rapid progress

In the "Nagano Idol Vanguard" column in the Nagano edition of Asahi Shinbun last Saturday, Memi talks about the past year, saying she was "running the whole time" through a year in which the group made quick progress. She adds that she is now working on her singing, hoping to become good enough to get a solo song. To make the group better known, she wants to do a tour of smaller venues around the country, "like a samurai's journey of self-improvement." She didn't mention it, but no doubt she's thinking that Nagano would be one of the venues.

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from Asahi Shinbun, Nagano edition, Saturday 17 March 2018:  

The popular idol group Hiragana Keyakizaka46, to which Kakizaki Memi of Nagano Prefecture belongs, is releasing its first solo album. The group has completed a national tour, which began last March, and is riding the wave of three successful performances at Nippon Budoukan in Tokyo (Jan 30 - Feb 1). We got core member Kakizaki-san's look back at this "year of rapid progress."

"All kinds of things happened during the year. And now it seems over in an instant.... I was running the whole time," says Kakizaki-san with a smile.



On March 21-22 of last year at Zepp Tokyo, the group gave its first live performances since its small introductory concert. The lives were the start of a six-city national tour. This was something that Kanji Keyakizaka46, which had debuted before Hiragana Keyaki, had not done up to then.

"[The tour] was something I had always wanted, and I was thrilled it was coming true," she said. But "I was filled with uneasiness. I thought people wouldn't come, and that we by ourselves could never achieve something like this. I had all kinds of thoughts."

It was with thoughts like these that she came to the Tokyo lives. A big crowd gathered, and it ended in what appeared to be a big success. But for Kakizaki-san and the other members: "It was a live that left many regrets."

"We learned how unready we were. The performances and the talk parts were both bad. I remember having no feeling of accomplishment at all."

For the next performance, in Osaka, "We were determined to make the performance as good as the last one was regrettable." And the members were able to produce a performance they could accept. "In Tokyo, we were just thinking of ourselves. But this time we started thinking of the audience, and of wanting them to enjoy themselves."

After that, they went from Nagoya to Sapporo to Fukuoka, and the final performance was in December at Makuhari Messe in Chiba. Over two days, about 15,000 people came. It ended with a full group including the nine new "second generation" members who had joined during the summer. But Kakizaki-san herself had broken her left wrist during rehearsals and was unable to perform.

"I watched everyone from the wings as they shone so brightly there on stage. It made me happy, but I was really very frustrated, and felt so apologetic about it."

But soon a chance for revenge arrived. It was announced that Hiragana Keyaki would do three days of one-man lives at the Nippon Budoukan starting January 30th. Originally, Kanji Keyaki was going to do the second and third days, but in the end it was Kakizaki-san and Hiragana Keyaki who did all three days.

Nippon Budoukan is a place where famous artists and idols had stood. "It was unbelievable. The idea of doing all three days made me really nervous. But because I had not appeared in the final performances of the tour, due to my injury, I just got the feeling: 'Let's go for it!'"

Over the three days, 30,000 people came, including Kakizaki-san's parents and relatives from Nagano. "My father came to all three days, and in e-mails he said things like 'it was great,' and 'you sing well now.' I thought I might have been able to do a little something to please my parents."

And on the last day of the Budoukan performances, it was announced that a Hiragana Keyaki solo album would be released. "I was surprised, but really happy. We all cried." The album has not yet begun production.

In April, she will become a 2nd-year high-school student. In May comes the second anniversary of Hiragana Keyaki's formation. About the group, Kakizaki-san has the feeling: "We are still barely known."

"I want us to do many lives in small venues, so we can become known by many people. Like a samurai's journey of self-improvement," said Kakizaki-san. And she herself has the goal of individual performance. "I want to improve my singing so I can get a solo song. And I want to become an ambassador of Nagano Prefecture sightseeing," she said, her eyes shining.

Autographed CD Present
Someone will be selected to receive a copy of a CD autographed and with a message from Kakizaki-san.

The autograph will be on the cover of Keyakizaka46's 6th single, Garasu wo Ware! Hiragana Keyakizaka46's song Ima ni Miteiro is on the CD.

Please send a postcard or an e-mail with your address, name, age, telephone number, and your feelings about the article and about Nagano Prefecture idols. Send your message as a postcard to Asahi Shinbun Nagano Office, 989-1 Kurita, 3800921; or as e-mail to nagano@asahi.com. Be sure to mark it clearly: Nagano Idol Vanguard Present.

The winner will be notified by mail.

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This is the first time I have seen Memi talk about working on her singing.  I have liked her voice in the few little bits of it I have heard, but she gets little chance to show it. Maybe she has now got it good enough -- and strong enough -- that she can hope for a solo song, or at least a prominent role in a unit. 

She mentions doing something to please her parents. The word she actually uses is 親孝行 oyakoukou, "filial piety," actions showing respect for parents. My sense from what she has said in the past is that she was never a very hard worker in school, just doing enough to get average marks. Her father's praise of her performance may make her feel that now at last she has accomplished something her parents really appreciate. In her own mind, she only became president of the art club in middle school because everyone else was so shy they couldn't do it. And her elder sister was the real artist who preceded her everywhere she went -- except to Keyakizaka.

Memi has previously thanked Nagano Asahi Shinbun for their coverage of her.

Here are scans of the newspaper piece. Click to enlarge.

Read More

Kakizaki Memi: Long and revealing interview from Idol & Read magazine

 

Kakizaki Memi -- Hiragana Keyakizaka46

20,000 word interview from IDOL AND READ magazine #013, December 2017

With our increase in numbers, I want us to grow into a major group that is as well-known as Kanji Keyaki. 




Interviewer -- I’d like to start by hearing about the time before you entered Hiragana Keyaki. To begin with, please tell me about your family structure. You have an elder sister, don't you? 

Memi: Yes. My mother and father and a sister two years older. Four people.

-- And you come from Nagano prefecture.

Memi: I grew up in Nagano.



--What kind of child were you when you were little? What do people around you say about you?

Memi: People say that when I was little, I was no trouble at all.

-- A good girl, so to speak?

Memi: A good girl...yes, I guess so (laughs). Everyone says I didn’t make much disturbance. But I wasn’t really passive, and in elementary school I became quite active.

-- Active? 

Memi: I had a huge number of friends. Played soccer, climbed trees. In school I was the year-rep, etc. I was that type of girl.

-- A fast runner and good at sports. And a pretty good student? 

Memi: I'm not sure. My marks weren’t bad, but I think I was someone the teachers wanted to be more serious about things.

-- Did you do any outside lessons? 

Memi: I did various things. I studied piano from grade one to grade six, and rhythmic gymnastics from nursery school to around grade two or three. After that, I had to join a local sports club, and was sort of forced to play handball and softball. But I was more or less a “ghost member.”

-- By “forced to join” you mean that local kids there had to do it?

Memi: In areas where there are more people it’s free participation, and those who want to join do, but where I lived there weren’t many children, so everyone had to join.

-- Was it that sparsely populated a place? 

Memi: No. Although it’s in the middle of Nagano, I don’t think it’s that rural.

-- Rhythmic gymnastics and piano, were those things you decided to try on your own? 

Memi: My sister did rhythmic gymnastics first, and that’s why I wanted to do it. She said she wanted to try piano, and although I was already going into gymnastics, I went along with her and was told: “Why don’t you do it too?” It wasn’t that I was so enthusiastic, but I sort of went with the flow and began.

-- What was the timing of your stopping gymnastics and piano? 

Memi: The people who wanted to continue piano kept doing it in middle school. Most people were in a class that stopped when they graduated from elementary school. So it ended after grade six. As for rhythmic gymnastics, my sister stopped first, so I came to dislike it and quit. Thinking about it now, it would have been good to really have done it more.

-- Because it would have been good for your current activities? 

Memi: Yes. And even before I thought of entering Keyakizaka, from around middle school, I watched a lot of figure skating and thought how beautiful it was. The way you use your body in rhythmic gymnastics is somewhat similar, isn’t it? So I regret not continuing and doing it properly.

-- Piano and rhythmic gymnastics must have involved recitals. You had no reluctance to perform in front of people? 

Memi: I'm not sure. In any case, I don’t think I was the type who was always eager to get out there. I wasn’t someone who really enjoyed standing up in front of other people.

-- You followed your sister there and did those things, but that’s a different matter from whether you liked them or not. Your sister’s influence was very strong, then. 

Memi: It was. Many of my interests, and the things I got interested in, were influenced by my sister.

-- You weren’t someone whose strong point was standing up in front of people, so when did you start getting interested in idols? 

Memi: When I was watching YouTube in first-year middle school, Nogizaka46 videos happened to come on. That was the impetus. I really got into them from then on. Because I admired Nogizaka46, I took the audition.

-- Were you interested in idols before that? 

Memi: Not at all.

-- Even though you were someone with no interest in idols, you happened to find Nogizaka46 on YouTube. What about them resonated with you so much? 

Memi: At that time, I had really gotten fat. After graduating from elementary school, I went to a middle school where I knew no-one. I really hated that.

-- You mean you felt stress. 

Memi: It was stress. During the spring break, just before the entrance ceremony, I suddenly got fat. When I entered middle school, I found myself really missing my elementary school friends, and had all kinds of anxieties. When I saw Nogizaka46, you could say that the gap between us really hit me, and I came to hate myself. From then, I slimmed down, and became more cheerful.

-- The story has taken a sudden jump (laughs). May I hear about that period in more detail? First, why didn’t you go to the middle school in your area? 

Memi: We moved, and I went in the next town. The school district changed, and suddenly I was going to an areaI didn’t know.

-- Ah, that would have been unpleasant. The other students all came from the same school, so they would have been saying “Who’s she?” 
 
Memi: Yes, that’s true. The students came from two elementary schools and even though they were in the same class, they grouped themselves together with kids from their original school. One group was extremely rambunctious, and the other was extremely quiet. I wasn’t in either group, but right in the middle. The loud group was always noisy, and I found that very unpleasant. When there was something to do properly, I wanted to do it. But the well-behaved group was really well behaved, and wasn’t interesting at all!

-- That’s bluntly said! (laughs) 

Memi: I would have been happy to be in either group. During breaks, I was with the rambunctious kids. In class, I was like the quiet ones. So the feeling was: “Which one are you with?”

-- Like, which faction are you with? 

Memi: So I went on without really having a place. I wasn’t able to get close to anyone, and wondered what on Earth I could do. Then there was my suddenly getting fat, which was a huge shock when I noticed it. I figured that the kids around me would have noticed it, too. They may not really have noticed, but that’s what I thought.




I suddenly got fat. I had a lot of anxieties. When I saw Nogizaka46, I ended up hating myself. Then I lost weight and became happier.




-- You worried that everyone was saying: “She’s gotten fat, hasn’t she?” 

Memi: Yes. I got more and more negative. It got so bad that my teacher was worried, and I got sick. But then I discovered Nogizaka46...and got even sicker. (laughs)

-- Because there were such beautiful people? 

Memi: Yes. And there were plenty of members who had been bullied.

-- And this made you feel that if you could be a member of Nogizaka46, you would really shine.

Memi: Because of that, the huge gap between them and me really made me feel badly. Although when I lost weight I gained a bit of confidence, and became more cheerful.

-- But you were never really teased about your weight by the people around you, were you?

Memi: No, I wasn’t. But I had the feeling that everyone around me didn’t like me, so I was afraid of meeting people's eyes.

-- To decide to slim down after seeing Nogizaka46 and then to actually do it is an amazing story. 

Memi: But I didn’t really make an intentional effort, I just wondered how I could slim down.

-- Was it from working hard in sports? 

Memi: Possibly. I think I just decided not to eat, but I don’t have any memory of it being difficult. I suddenly got fatter, then suddenly slimmed down. I met up with my elementary school friends sometimes, and when we met that spring, they apparently thought I had gotten really fat. They told me that later. When we got together during the summer of second year, they said they were surprised how much I had slimmed down.

-- Since you weren’t originally fat, it was definitely just something temporary, wasn’t it? What was it like in class after you had slimmed down?

Memi: I ended up with the rambunctious kids. But those kids quieted down.

-- Ohh! Growing up and quieting down, eh (laughs).

Memi: Me being me, I was able to just say it: "Be quiet!” I was able to become friends with them and caution them about things. I became able to be with people.

-- Getting rid of your complex was a big thing, wasn’t it?

Memi: Yes. I thought about it a lot, and came to think that it wasn’t that other people hated me, but that I myself was avoiding people. With that in mind, I was able to talk with people normally, and to be accepted by them.

-- Nagahama Neru introduced you on Keyakitte, Kakenai as being quite a blunt person. That’s from being able to tell your friends directly to be quiet, I guess.

Memi: I did say it (laughs). It’s not that I will say anything, but when I do think something is bad, I’ll say it.

-- By the way, what were you like at home, with your family?

Memi: At home, on the other hand, I was very quiet. Isn't there a saying: “Domineering at home...”? I was the opposite: domineering in public (laughs). That’s strange Japanese, though. With my grandma, I hardly spoke at all. I was so quiet that they worried about me. But at school I was the year rep and did all kinds of things. Kind of unbelievable.

-- Did your grandma live with you? 

Memi: After school, I didn’t go home, but to my family’s workplace. My grandma and my mother and my aunt and uncle were all there. After school, they were always there.

-- Why didn’t you return home? 

Memi: Because there was no-one there. (laughs)

-- Because there was no-one at home, you went to their workplace, but when you were there, you didn’t speak with your relatives at all. 

Memi: I didn’t talk at all and just stayed quiet.

-- What about your sister? 

Memi: During elementary school, for some reason my sister didn’t like me, and it was a bit of a quarrelsome relationship. But from the time I entered middle school, she became really affectionate. Now we’re very close, like good friends.

-- Ah, as with brothers, the relations between sisters can have troublesome periods. Maybe because you were with her wherever she went, she got the attitude: “Don’t follow me!” 

Memi: Quite so. It felt like she was saying: "You're not wanted.” I don’t know why. I always loved her. (laughs)

-- To return the conversation to school, you were the president of the Art Club, were you not? What are the details of that? 

Memi: I did say that I had no friends at first. So when I was was thinking what club to join, my sister was in the Art Club, so I joined that.

-- Basically, you kept following your sister. 

Memi: That’s true. (laughs)

-- And as things went on, you became president. 

Memi: There were lots of quiet, well-behaved kids, so I was recommended.

-- You didn’t actively go after it, but in the end you did it. This pattern seems to recur a lot. By the way, did you take any lessons outside school? 

Memi: English conversation.

-- Why that? 

Memi: Because it was in the neighbourhood. (laughs)

-- Simple! Let’s go on. As your middle school life went on, you encountered Nogizaka46. After that, you must have found out that Keyakizaka46 was being started. Yet you let the first auditions pass without taking them.

Memi: Yes, I let them pass. I was afraid to take them, and quit without telling anyone about it. I didn't even tell my parents I was interested. There was also the question of how I would feel if I failed. I really couldn’t have taken that.

-- But you were still attracted by it? 

Memi: Yes. When I saw the photo of the successful members, I had huge regrets.

-- Like: “If I had been accepted, it could have been me standing there.” 

I was afraid to take the audition and didn’t go through with it. But I ended up regretting that tremendously. So I was determined to take the audition if there was another chance.

 

Memi: So I thought that if there were another chance, I would definitely take the audition. When I learned that there would be auditions for Hiragana Keyaki, I applied.

-- Who was the first person you talked about it with? 

Memi: I told my sister first. After that I told my mother. My sister was like: “What a good idea.” And she took the photo for me.

-- What was your mother’s reaction? 

Memi: She didn’t pay much attention. She probably didn’t think I’d be accepted.

-- And then...

Memi: I was accepted. (laughs)

-- Please talk about the process. First you got through the written part, right? 

Memi: I’d even forgotten about it when the notification came that I’d got through. Since that meant I’d have to go to Tokyo, I spoke with my father.

-- You hadn’t told him until then? 

Memi: My father is the kind of person who would tell everyone around him, so I wanted as much as possible not to let him know. So the first time I told him, he went with me to Tokyo. After that, I went there with him a second and third time.

-- What were your impressions? 

Memi: The second time was the most nerve-wracking. From the start, the atmosphere was really tense. An atmosphere I didn’t understand was flowing through the waiting room. I felt quite out of place. There were girls like me who were quite quiet, and girls who made friends with people at their table right away. I thought those were the kind of girls who would probably be chosen. They seemed to have amazing social skills.

-- Why did you feel out of place?

Memi: I wondered if it was okay for a country girl to be in a place like this.

-- I see. There were people there who were used to auditions, etc. But this was the first time that you had actually been to an audition. Is that right? 

Memi: Yes. I was a total first-timer. I didn’t understand anything.

-- What did you think when you were still there for the final audition? 

Memi: I was just scared. I’ve advanced so easily, I thought. It didn’t feel real at all. Even in the audition hall, I kept thinking: “What am I doing here?”

-- Even though that’s how you felt, you advanced smoothly to the second and third auditions.

Memi: After passing the third audition, they explained about the Showroom broadcasts to us. “To do something like this!” I thought. I kept thinking that I didn’t want to be dropped after having my face out in public.

-- Doing a net broadcast would mean showing your face to the world. Hadn’t you been talking to your friends? 

Memi: I told them after I got to the stage of being about to do the Showrooms. I kept quiet about it up until then.

-- But weren’t there people around you who had seen that you were going to be on Showroom? 

Memi: It seems that there were juniors in my club who liked Nogizaka46, etc. There was a big buzz around the school. Lots of people even came when we were doing club activities just to look at me. Or so I thought (laughs). I had the feeling it was slowly spreading all around the school.

At first, not expecting my name to be called, I wasn’t paying attention when it was.... It wasn’t like happiness, it was a strange feeling.

-- All the more reason you couldn’t fail. And then you qualified for Hiragana Keyakizaka46 without incident. What were your feelings when you were accepted? 

Memi: None. I had no idea my name would be called first, so I wasn’t paying attention when it was. I was like “What?” and thought only that I had to step forward. The lights were so bright. I was just sighing. It wasn’t like happiness, it was a strange feeling. "What is going to happen from now on?"

-- Naturally you had some feeling of accomplishment, but you couldn’t imagine what was going to happen in the future. What was your family’s reaction? Didn’t you say that they had not expected you to be accepted? But you were. Some families oppose it even after acceptance.

Memi: There was no opposition. My family supported me in everything. I think they were happy. My father had a weird confidence in me. He was like: “I thought you'd be accepted.”

-- The explanation is that he supported you so much that he was sure you would be accepted (laughs). But after acceptance, your circumstances suddenly changed, did they not? 

Memi: After being accepted, my life changed completely. Compared to Tokyo, Nagano is the countryside. It was exhausting. Going to Shibuya and so on made me feel worse and worse. I really hated it. At first, I couldn’t get used to it at all. 

-- Getting used to the big city is tough, but how were the lessons, etc.? How was it, dancing and so on? 

Memi: In 5th grade, a friend invited me to some dance lessons, and I did a bit of dancing. But I really wasn’t into it at all. There were lots of little kids, and the dancing was adapted to their level.

-- Like a local dance studio. 

Memi: Yes. And I wasn’t good with younger kids (laughs). I didn’t like it, and quit within a year. So I really didn’t like dance then at all. But after doing it seriously (in Hiragana Keyaki), I found I enjoyed it a lot. Now I really like dancing. The lessons themselves were really tough, but they were very enjoyable, no hardship at all.

-- Was there anything you found a hardship when you were beginning your activities? 

Memi: It was hard that my time away from my family kept increasing.

-- As for that, you are someone who can feel lonely, aren’t you? 

Memi: At the very beginning, the members thought that I was someone with a cool image who liked to be left alone. But that’s not true at all. Lately, they say I’m like a rabbit.

-- Someone who could die from being alone. 

Memi: Yes. But in the past, I acted standoffish.

-- Your expressions don’t seem to give the image of someone who is lonely. 

Memi: I didn’t show it at all.

-- How was building relationships with the members? Did you fit in with them right away? 

When I joined, I was the youngest member. Everyone was older than me. But I like older people, so I was really happy, and relaxed right away.

-- So you began activities as a member of Hiragana Keyakizaka46. There would have been a lot of firsts. Weren’t there things that really bewildered you? For instance, your first photo shoot. 

Memi: At my first photo shoot, I didn’t know what to do at all, but I enjoyed doing it. I really knew nothing, and was just floating. And right after being accepted, I had a lot of confidence in myself, and enjoyed everything.


-- You didn’t know anything, but you had confidence? 

Memi: Yes.

-- But did something make you lose confidence?

Memi: Yes. Every day. In performance and in how they looked, I saw the members around me steadily improving, and I felt disappointed. Everyone was becoming prettier, but I wasn’t changing.

-- I see.

Memi: At TV recording sessions, I wasn’t speaking at all in the studio, while I watched the members around me speaking. Watching the broadcast, I kept seeing that they weren’t using what I did say. These things kept piling up and I lost confidence.

-- In all this, was there something that most got you down? 

Memi: Most got me down? I think that Bokutachi wa Tsukiatteiru was the time that most got me down

-- Last spring, eh. May I ask why? 

Memi: Up until then, Nagahama Neru and I were double centres. On Bokutachi wa Tsukiatteiru, Neru was centre and I was just behind her. It was a confusing formation. It was as if there was a first row, then me, then the second row.

-- You were like a one-person row 1.5, then. 

Memi: Yes. That time really got me down. It wasn’t that I particularly wanted to be centre, but I still didn’t want to be demoted. I ended up keeping a close eye on those around me and just hated the feeling that they were thinking I had been demoted.

-- You were thinking that those around you were being careful in what they said to you? 

Memi: Exactly! Just that.

-- On the other hand, when you were picked out and made double centre, what were you thinking? 

Memi: At that time I was thinking: “Is it really okay for me to be in such a position?” Although that was an inexcusable thing to think. Nevertheless, I didn’t want to be dropped back. Quite contradictory.

-- I think that having two feelings like those at the same time is quite common. I don’t think there’s anyone who wouldn’t want to stand at the front of a group they themselves had decided to join, despite the pressure. And on the other hand, I think those who are at the back or on the edge want to move to a better position. 

Memi:  Wanting what you don’t have, I guess. But at that time, I hated my questionable position. To be placed clearly in the first or the second row would have taken me less time to accept, but I was in something like row 1.5. Why couldn’t I be one pace forward? Lots of thoughts came to my mind. 

-- We’ve gotten a bit ahead of ourselves. Please let’s go back a bit. Do you remember your feelings the first time you stood on stage? 

Memi: It was probably the mini-live at a national handshake event. I was extremely nervous that time, too, but as soon as I stepped out on stage, wow! It was so much fun.

-- At that point, you didn’t feel any stage fright at all.

I had never stood in front of a huge crowd of thousands, or tens of thousands. I couldn’t imagine it. I think that’s why I wasn’t scared.

-- Last December at Ariake Coliseum was the first one-man live. How was that? 

Memi: It was very, very enjoyable. Dare Yori mo Takaku Tobe! was particularly enjoyable. It seems to me that it was there we made that song our own. I thought we showed the Hiragana image of being active and cheerful. It was the first time I felt a sense of accomplishment.

-- You got a response. 

Memi: Even now, Dare Tobe is the song that gets everyone excited at our lives. And the members love it, too. Up to then, we hadn’t realized it could be a song like that. It’s a feeling like: all we have to do is sing that song. It was at Ariake that that became our song.

-- Getting to 2017, there was the Hiragana Keyaki one-man live, and the tour started. The live events involving all of Keyakizaka46 must differ in various ways from the Hiragana solo lives.

Memi: They were totally different. Hiragana Keyaki... Just when we were wondering if it was okay to be compared with Kanji Keyaki, we were told we were getting a tour. So we threw everything into the tour. Everyone said: “Let’s really do our best, eh.” We had no name recognition. When people think of “Keyakizaka46,” they have an image of Kanji Keyaki, don’t they? That’s still true now, for sure.

-- Fans and people who know idols might, but you may be right about the general public. 

Memi: So we all were thinking: “Are we really needed?” To then get a tour to do made us all catch fire. Our feelings toward each thing we did were extremely strong.

So we were all thinking: “Are we really needed?” To then get a tour to do made us all catch fire. 

-- That came through. The feelings were carried over to the audience, and we caught fire, too.

Memi: Despite that, the first live was a shambles. It was the first time we had done a live entirely on our own...although there was the Omotenashikai.

-- It was the first time Hiragana Keyaki had done a real concert, as opposed to an event.

Memi: Yes. It was the first. We tried it, and it was no good. We had no sense of accomplishment at all. We felt apologetic toward the people who had come. Honestly, it was just no good. It did not go well. We were all determined to make the next live a success. Our next live at Zepp Namba was a lot of fun, and I think we did make it a good live. Having done that, we wanted to keep doing our best and piling up good lives. And we heard from more and more people that our lives were good.

-- And Hiragana Keyaki’s confidence grew. It’s a bit of a digression, but I was wondering what Kakizaki-san’s feelings were in March, when the tour started, so I looked in your blog. You were writing about putting on your own makeup for the first time. (laughs) 

Memi: How nostalgic! Before joining, I had never put on make-up.

-- But by March, you had been in the group for quite a while! 

Memi: For sure (laughs). I didn’t like makeup, and as much as possible avoided using it. But that time, I got the notion of trying it myself. How embarrassing (laughs). Now I do it normally.

-- That’s how people change (laughs). To return to the story: last spring, there was a call for applications for new members to add to Hiragana Keyaki. Please tell me what you thought at that time. 

Memi: Ehhh... Well, it really hit me. It was a shock. In the beginning, we were recruited to be unders. How we were seen was gradually changing, and we all liked the idea of continuing as a 12-member group.

-- You’d gotten good response at Zepp Namba. 

Memi: Yes. There was also the tour, and we had just gotten things in hand. It was unbelievable! It was terrible when we were told. Everyone cried (laughs). I was so upset. I felt so bad that I was hyperventilating.

-- This is not a nice way of saying it, but did you end up thinking: “Hiragana Keyaki isn’t good enough, so they’re recruiting new members”? 

Memi: Yes, that’s exactly what it was like. We all said: “I guess 12 people was really no good.”

-- You were searching for the meaning of your existence, and you were finding it in the solo tour, and then there was the call for applications to add members.

Memi: There was even talk of quitting.

-- So it was that bad. And since the decision had been made, you had no choice but to accept it. How did you change your thinking? 

Memi: The staff said the same thing to us: “You just have to accept it.” But...(groan). It was a shock at first, but we ended up thinking we should just not think about it, and enjoy the time the 12 of us had together.

-- At first, it was quite difficult to accept. Thank you very much for telling us how you felt. But the new members have now joined. How is it now? 

Memi: We’ve still only met them three times [this interview took place in late October], so it’s only from now on that we will be finding out what kind of people they are. I’m no longer the youngest member, and for there to be younger members than me is a strange feeling. Watanabe Miho appears in our drama Re:Mind, and to see Katou Shiho being friendly with her makes me jealous. She doesn’t come to me at all any more (laughs).

-- At the end of September, Nagahama Neru was released from her double role and became a member of Kanji Keyaki alone, did she not? What are your thoughts about that? 

Memi:  Having watched Neru doing double duty, I think it’s a good thing.

-- Oh, I see. 

Memi: It really seemed tough. She could hardly participate in tour practices at all. This was never her fault, but seeing her always apologizing to everyone, I thought that she would someday have to stop being with both groups. I didn’t know which group she would end up being a member of, but I thought the day was coming. In any case, I thought it was really hard on her.

-- You mean she was so busy. 

Memi: Really. I thought: “If she keeps on like this, she’ll collapse.” So although I was naturally very sad, it couldn’t be helped. I think it was a good thing.

-- Seeing how busy Neru was, you had thought it would be good to release her. 

Memi: Thinking of Neru, it felt as if she should have done it sooner.

-- But what about the group? No mistake about it, she was a huge existence, right? 

Memi: Neru was the reason we exist. It’s because Neru existed that we exist. Her popularity was overwhelming. At lives, there was a sea of Neru towels. I think Neru was better known than all of Hiragana. For such a central figure to be gone was huge. I wondered if we would be all right. 


 
There was also the tour, and we had just gotten things together. We all said: “I guess a 12-person group is no good.”



-- Won’t the central figure who leads Hiragana Keyaki now be Kakizaki-san? 

Memi: If that were to come aboutI would want to do it, but I don’t think I’m strong enough.

-- Come on (laughs). With juniors coming in, isn’t this the time for change? 

Memi: I guess that’s true.... But, what can I say...right now I don’t have that much confidence. I have to get the point where you can say I'm stronger....

-- I think there are a lot of fans with great hopes for you. But let’s change the subject now. Hiragana Keyaki became able to do solo lives, and appeared in a concert tour with the entire Keyakizaka group. I think you must have been able to learn and absorb things then. What about that? 

Memi: On the summer tour, the distance between us and the Kanjis got smaller. Up to now, they have seemed like beings above the clouds. To become friends with them.... It made me terribly unhappy.

-- What do you mean? 

Memi: Because there’s such a huge gap between us. In rehearsals, while waiting for our turn we watch them on stage, and think that they differ from us in every way. With the distance between us reduced, we see the difference. Their number of appearances on stage, how cool their performance is. I admire them, and I feel terrible.

-- You appeared with them on TV shows, as well, not just in concerts, didn’t you? And you still felt as if they were like heavenly beings?

Memi: Yes, we did. The Kanji-sans were completely different existences.

-- Even to the extent that you call them the “Kanji-sans.” But aren’t you friends with Hirate Yurina? There's no distance there, is there?
 
Memi: In private life, that’s true.

-- So you’re saying work is a different thing. By touring with the members of Keyakizak46, you became closer to them, and clearly understood their greatness. 

Memi: Yes. I think about how to become like them, but no answers come. It really troubles me.

-- As for that, won’t that come from the things called “lives”? Keyakizaka46 perform more easily on stage because they've done more media performances.

Memi: Maybe so. During the tour, we heard things like: “Without Hiragana, the mood would have stayed dark all through.” (laughs) We show our bright colours, and sweep the audience up and carry it along with us, it seems to me. I want to do more lives.

We show our bright colours and sweep the audience up and carry it along with us. I want to do more lives.



-- Do you have a goal for yourself right now? 

Memi: I haven’t thought about personal goals. I think I just have to work as hard as I can right now. What I myself want to do, I still don’t know. I’ve been given the chance to act in the drama, and have had other challenges. It would be great if I could find something that suited me.

-- How was acting? 

Memi: I enjoy acting work. In the first episode of Re:Mind, I was so wooden that even I laughed watching it (laughs). But as the episodes built up, I think I got better, and I’d like to try more acting.

-- Besides live performances, there's acting, photo-shoots, variety – various kinds of work. Which one seems to suit you best? 

Memi: It was a lot of fun being on the drama set continuously, but during that period we also sometimes had rehearsals for live events, and I found myself really happy. I thought that I really did want to do lives.

-- So singing and dancing is in fact your main thing. 

Memi: Yes.

-- You’re still searching for your personal goal, but what about the group? 

Memi: With the increase in our numbers, I want Hiragana Keyaki to grow so that it becomes a major group that is as well known as Kanji Keyaki. We’re gradually building up more and more of our own original songs. Looking at our set lists recently, we’ve all been surprised. Up to now, we’ve only had about three or so of our own songs, and had to do mainly Kanji songs. But now more than half of the songs are our own. It’s inspiring: “We have so many songs now.”

-- Saying that, it’s about time to close. Over the conversation, I’ve gotten an impression of someone gentle. But somehow the impression of you doing battle with Moriya Akane-san [of Keyakizaka46] remains strong. 

Memi: Hahaha. Did you think I would be harsher?

-- I wouldn’t go as far as harsh, but more obstinate-seeming.

Memi: Ah, that (laughs). I am a bit obstinate.


__________________________________________________________

Interview and text: Namba Kazumi 南波一海　  
Photography: Miyawaki Susumu 宮脇進 (PROGRESS-M)  
Hair and Make-up: Ooniwa Manaka 大庭愛香 (MAXSTAR)  
Stylist: Ouchi Kimika 尾内貴美香

from Idol & Read magazine 013, December 2017. Amazon Japan
 

______________________________________________________________________

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translator's comments:

Such unnecessary but inevitable suffering. Emotionally, I found this interview hard to read. Memi's powerful self-criticism reminds me a bit of Hirate.

I wanted to read this piece because Memi said somewhere that she had talked about things in it that she hadn't ever spoken of before. I guess that means she wants us to know about this pain. As always, Memi seems real. Even if she is good at hiding her inner pain. There are several things in this piece that I thought at the time might have bothered her -- like her position in Bokutachi wa Tsukiatteiru -- and now I know they did.

I actually have a photo of Memi during her "fat" period, when she might have been 12 or so. It's not so bad, but I won't be posting it. I guess it's to be expected that one of her "friends" from that time might let it slip out.

Now that Hiragana's amazing three nights at Budoukan have ended with the announcement of a Hiragana album, they are racing even more quickly up that slope toward Kanji Keyaki. Will they become "as well-known"? Time will tell. A key will be whether a star or two emerges and enters the public mind.

Read More

Hirate Yurina: long interview from December Rockin' On Japan magazine

from Rockin' in Japan magazine, December 2017:

Hirate Yurina of Keyakizaka46

A 120-minute interview talking about her encounter with Fukyouwaon, the first national tour, her feelings toward the other members, and the new single, Kaze ni Fukaretemo.

I guess this was a year in which I faced myself. And came to understand myself a bit

Interviewer -- It’s been a while.

Hirate: It has.

-- Our previous interview was in February. Since then, you have had your first outdoor live, you have produced numerous works, and above all you have had your first national tour. In asking you about these things one by one, I very much want to know what Hirate-san has been thinking over the almost eight months since our last interview, as you continue to stand there in the centre of Keyakizaka46. Now I hope to hear from you in detail about these things.

Hirate: Yes. Please treat me well.

-- First, looking back over this year, 2017, in general what would you say about it? I imagine it felt like an extremely full year that went by at a great speed.

Hirate: Really, all kinds of things happened. I feel as if even more things happened than at the time of SaiMajo (Silent Majority) last year. Last year, all kinds of things happened for Keyakizaka46 as a whole. This year, it was to Hirate Yurina that things happened.

-- Yes. I wonder if we will be able to go over them all. Does it feel as if you are still in the midst of it?

Hirate: For the moment, I’m feeling calmer.

-- Thank you very much for appearing at Rock In Japan this summer.

Hirate: Thank you for having us. It was tremendous fun.

-- I was happy to meet you there, and thank you for the great performance. But it felt as if you were rushing away.

Hirate: It was just when we were doing the tour, too, and we had been invited to festivals and events, so I had a lot of things on my mind.

-- For Hirate Yurina, what kind of impression remains with you of 2017?

Hirate: I can’t think…. I don’t remember any good things happening this year.

-- You’d go that far? (laughs)

Hirate: I have no good memories of it (laughs). It feels as if only awful things happened. That’s what remains with me.

-- I see. I hesitate to ask, but what words would you use to describe this year?

Hirate: There are a lot of things I would prefer not to think back on, if possible. But as I think about it now, those things were definitely valuable for me. I felt angry, and that gave me energy. I think that helped us create a good album.

-- That’s part of the fascination of Hirate-san. Within us, there are various feelings, whether it’s, “Hooray, we did it!” or: “This is exhausting!” There are people who consider having fun the most important thing, and people whose lives depend on a feeling of accomplishment. But Hirate-san faces every feeling directly.

Hirate: I’m not aware of that, but it may be so.

-- Never averting your eyes from things, but looking straight at both happy things and difficult things the same 100 percent. Not evading any feeling.

Hirate: I do think I faced things. Many times, I felt as if I was about to break, but I guess I faced everything. Yes, I may have.

-- So you never think: “I’ll just do it the way I always have.”

Hirate: I never do. It’s never “the way I always have.” I think I may have faced myself directly, over this time.

-- Especially over this past year?

Hirate: Yes.

-- I think that’s just the kind of person Hirate-san is. But in facing various things over this year, although it would have been better to be more at ease, that is just not something that is in Hirate-san’s nature, and being pushed to the wall in this way may have made you stronger.

Hirate: It’s true that I’ve felt all along that I am being forced into desperate straits (laughs). I do seem to be able to get through things, but I always seem to be in desperate situations, and my worries may have become too great. That has been especially true this year.

-- They never stopped, those worries.

Hirate: No, they didn’t. One period of time ends and things suddenly change, but then other worries come to hound me, and I still can’t get any relief (laughs).

-- Over this year, maybe you gradually came to accept that that’s your nature, and this is your profession, and there will always be something you can’t escape.

Hirate: There’s always some troublesome thing or other coming up inside me, and when I think I’ve solved it, there’s another. I sometimes think things like, “Will it always be like this?” or: “I guess that’s the kind of person I am.” But sometimes I think: “What on Earth is going on?” I just don’t know myself at all.

-- To put it another way, rather than knowing yourself, was it like seeing various selves?

Hirate: Yes, something like that. But it was tough.

-- If that’s how you are, do you like it or hate it?

Hirate: Because it's so difficult, I hate it. But when it suddenly shows up in song lyrics, I really feel like: “What’s going on here?” Just when I’m thinking something, I find myself singing a song about it, so it’s easy to express what’s in the song. People say I become someone, or recently that I’m possessed, but it's not that I turn into anything, it's that the song fits me. It's like I'm just being myself

-- Up to now, as far as the self you want to become is concerned, the feeling of “if it isn’t this way, it’s no good” has been pretty strong. Over this past year, perhaps you have become aware of things like, “If I just work as hard as I can, things around me will catch up to me,” or:“The situation will catch up to me and solve the problem.” 

Hirate: There was no “something will solve the problem” in me. Maybe, “First, I have to get through this,” or because a deadline is approaching: “I just have to do the best I can.” Maybe the things right in front of me were too urgent.

-- This is backtracking a bit, but what was the motive power -- and where did it come from -- for getting through it?

Hirate: …I really don’t know at all.

-- That’s one way of answering. A reply you often hear is “because the people who want to hear me were waiting.” I think you must have some of that feeling.

Hirate: As for that, in doing School of Lock, I came in contact with high-school students like myself, and middle school students. Being in high school was important, I guess. The me in Keyakizaka is a different self…although it's connected. High school is the time when your feelings are the most changeable, and lots of people tell me it is “an important time,” so I think I have to treasure it.

-- From things like that, did you find something you could really rely on?

Hirate: I love food, and going out to eat with someone. Just as I’m about to eat, I fall into a kind of trance, and just for that moment, I forget everything. I guess that’s my reward.

-- So it’s gotten like that.

Hirate: It’s gotten like that.

-- As painful as that.

Hirate: Very painful (laughs). There was no-one who could sympathize with me. I don’t think the other members ever get like this.

-- Because everyone may not be facing the same direction.

Hirate: Yes. So it’s pretty tough.

There are a lot of things I would prefer not to think back on. But as I think about it now, those things were definitely important for me.

-- To ask this from a slightly different angle: over this past year, what have you been thinking about?

Hirate: There were lots of painful things, but the first one was a big one: losing my voice. That lasted for about a month. It had never happened to me before, so I didn’t know at all how to treat it. But the recording of the album was beginning, and people told me that not doing the recording would ruin things. I had listened to the songs, and was ready to sing them any time, but my voice wouldn’t come out, so I’d half given up. But if I didn’t do it, I knew people would be giving me a lot of talking-to, so I went into the booth again and again to practice, and I was finally able to sing. It was like “whoop!” and out came my voice (laughs).

Eccentric was the easiest song to sing, and I had been working on it all along, but it was only by getting into the mood with Fukyouwaon that my voice finally emerged. The first time, my voice was terrible, but I gradually got it back, and two or three days later I did the recording. So that song is big for me. Because I was angry, my voice came out (laughs). That happens to me a lot. I often get power from being angry, etc.

-- So you're someone who doesn't evade her own emotions. It’s tough to be moved by anger. Although I think people can be moved by enjoyment, it seems Hirate-san is going to continue to be like this.

Hirate: Yes. That day, all kinds of really annoying things happened, and after that I was able to speak. I was surprised myself (laughs).

-- Including feelings of irritation toward yourself, when you weren’t able to do something the way you intended?

Hirate: There was some of that, too. As well as what I thought various people would say to me. At that time, I felt as if no-one at all was on my side. I really felt I had no-one to depend on. I knew I was causing enormous problems for everyone, and ended up with thoughts that were hard to bear.

We recorded Getsuyoubi no Asa, Sukaato wo Kirareta as soon as my voice came out, so probably there was anger built up in me. At the point where I was saying “What do you know about me?” I was told I could go ahead and just let out all my feelings, and I got a lot of praise for it. My Coffin (Jibun no Hitsugi) was like that, too. If I hadn’t gone through all that, I don’t think Getsuyoubi no Asa, Sukaato wo Kirareta could have happened. I don’t think I could have performed it like that. Thinking about it now, it may have been a very important experience.

-- You’ve really thought back on it.

Hirate: Yes. Now I have the space to think back on it.

-- Now I would like to ask about the things that happened this year, in order. I’m thinking that Fukyouwaon (released in April) was a big song for you….

Hirate: It was really difficult (laughs).

-- More than just saying it was big, you had the feeling it was difficult?

Hirate: I don’t know at all. I just don’t remember. There were times when I really felt the gaze of everyone around me. I felt as if people were telling me things all the time, and I really didn’t want to talk to anybody. It was then that the song Fukyouwaon came along. I didn’t think: “What is this?” I just naturally felt “uh-huh, uh-huh...this is just how I feel,” and went ahead and sang it.

-- Sometimes you need to work to get closer to a song’s world. But with Fukyouwaon, your feeling was: “This is me right now.”

Hirate: Ever since SaiMajo(Silent Majority), the songs have felt like exactly what I’m thinking at the time. There was no feeling of having to become anything. I don’t remember this, but apparently around the time of Futari (Futari Saison) I was saying “I want to fall in love” all the time. I didn’t notice this, myself. I was just doing it unconsciously.

-- But I think Fukyouwaon was particularly in sync with you in that way.

Hirate: Well, that song definitely has what feels like the power of anger in it, doesn’t it? So I think that “at that time, a lot of stress had built up,” and “all kinds of annoying things had happened.”

-- I see (laughs).

Hirate: But now, looking at it objectively, I think that for such a very down song to come along when I had already sunk so low sent me even lower.

-- But perhaps, if it weren’t Fukyouwaon, you wouldn’t have sung at all.

Hirate: Not sung at all…. At least I think I couldn't have done it as well.

-- It's no easy thing to get a song that feels so close to you, and a song that goes along with your own state of mind. Fukyouwaon in particular was like that, wasn’t it?

Hirate: I guess Fukyouwaonwas like that, but to put it the opposite way, without getting into the feelings of Fukyouwaon,there was no way I could get into its world.So generally I knew when I could do it and when I couldn’t. When I was thinking, “Today I can’t do it” [a live performance], I wouldn’t have the confidence to do it. I was in a different mode. Because of that, it was really tough.

-- I think Fukyouwaon is an amazing song. Because if the singing just followed the words, it couldn’t have become the song it is. I mean that if you didn't wear yourself down doing it, the song wouldn’t work.

Hirate: I wonder. The me now doesn't know. Without becoming that person, I don't know what they’re thinking.

-- So you sang Fukyouwaon with the feeling that you had to become that person.

Hirate: Yes. Maybe performing "that kid" suits me best. I think things like "that kid is amazing." So live performances are very difficult.

It's not that I turn into anything, it's that the song fits me. It's like I'm just being myself.

-- At Rock In Japan, you were wondering right up to the last minute whether or not to perform Fukyouwaon.

Hirate: Within myself, I knew that this was a place where I had to be victorious. So I couldn't do it the way I had done it before on the tour. And the staff understood. If I ended up doing it here, the mood would be extremely good. But if I didn't, I would feel broken. At a time like that, I just didn't know what to do. I was discussing it with staff right up to the last minute.

-- So you came to think “let's do it”.

Hirate: Yes. I did it thinking: "I’ll try it and see." Though in the end, I myself thought I didn't succeed.  

-- I see.

Hirate: I'd failed at Rock In Japan, and the Nagoya performances came up next. I couldn’t go on stage there.

-- Summer 2017 began with "Keyaki Republic" at Fuji-Q Highlands amusement park. What was that like? I think you may have faced that live as a different Hirate Yurina than you had ever been before.

Hirate: It was so much fun. I think that was the best live we have ever done. I could see it in the mood and the expressions of the members. I think a lot of girls had put a lot of thought into it. Even looking at the videos afterwards, I was extremely happy seeing how together the dancing was, how the feeling of unity came through, and how you could feel everyone’s energy.

-- Do you still watch it now?

Hirate: From time to time. To compare it with current lives. Like: "The dancing was so together then, but now it isn’t." I show that to the members, and we do our best to achieve it.

-- In fact, Keyaki Republic attained a high degree of perfection: everyone’s energy, their concentration, the concept, the feeling of the place -- all of it. The opening was your idea, wasn't it?

Hirate: Yes, that's true. It’s there that they started letting me bring out a lot of my own ideas. Even though it was just me saying: "I have an idea." (laughs) I wanted to do a live where, when the theme and concept were decided, the live would have a story that fit them. In my mind was the image of a Keyaki Republic, and people were coming to it as the guests of Keyakizaka46. I wanted to do a show where the opening and the ending were connected. Since it was different from how previous lives had opened, I felt nervous about it: "Will this be okay?" But I wanted people to get the feeling, "So this is Keyakizaka!" and I think it may have turned out to be a good start.

-- I imagine there was something that got you thinking in terms of bringing out your own ideas.

Hirate: We had our anniversary live in April, and when I heard the set-list, I cried. I couldn't accept it (laughs). So maybe that was the impetus. I thought: "If I'm going to do this, I want to put forward my own ideas." That then began at Fuji-Q. In making the album, we were given the chance to come out with our ideas together. That was really hard (laughs).

-- In the album Masshiro no Mono wa Yogoshitakunaru, the key songs were probably the very Keyakizaka songs Getsuyoubi no Asa Sukaato wo Kirareta and Eccentric, and your solo song Jibun no Hitsugi. I think perhaps these three songs were in Hirate-san’s mode.

Hirate: Eccentric was surprisingly difficult. In the course of the tour, I came not to be able to perform it, and had all kinds of problems. Eccentric and Fukyouwaon are songs of a kind I am good at, in which I let loose my feelings. But I came not to be able to express anything but the songs in which my feelings are bottled up inside me. Do you know Dance Track 1? Throwing shoes, climbing stairs -- those are the kinds of feelings I am good at. But Eccentric is a difficult song.

-- A song that wore you down?

Hirate: Yes, that's what it was.

-- You said before about Fukyouwaon, “that kid is amazing.” Were you looking at someone like that, a self who isn't you, in Eccentric?

Hirate:​ In Eccentric, what was inside me was a male protagonist. There were parts that I understood that way, where I was running away from things I hated. And there were places where it ended up as if I was thinking: “Let’s just go for it.”

-- When you’re performing Eccentric, do you feel as if you have to get that boy’s story across?

Hirate:​ When I’m able to do it properly, maybe I do become my Eccentric self. But right now I'm not sure what feeling I have. Now I think I get the feeling: “Okay. Eccentric. Here it is.” 

-- Personally, I think that Jibun no Hitsugi is an extremely accurate expression of one side of Hirate-san. What kind of song is it for you?

Hirate:​ I love it (laughs). But when I’m performing it live, I can’t think what song to perform it after. It’s such a unique song. And I think it’s a song you can interpret in various ways. Wanting to “fall into hell” and so on. Am I saying that about myself? Am I saying it about the person I’m speaking to? It’s different depending on the interpretation.

-- What’s it like to perform?

Hirate:​ At the second performance at Makuhari (the tour finale at Makuhari exhibition centre) various bad things were going on for me. All I recall is that things were bad. I kept on saying “this is bad” backstage, and just went on stage like that, so I don’t know. I don’t know how I sang it.

-- At this point, I’d like to talk about the tour, particularly to hear about the performances you put forward your own ideas for.

Hirate:​​ ​​​Makuhari was changed from the performances in the regions. Everyone had worked hard on the things I’d said I wanted to do, to make my dream come true. That was Keyaki Republic. And when my dream had been fulfilled, I felt rather sad, quite bereft. “It’s done,” I thought. There were other things I wanted to do, and I could switch to them. But I did feel bereft. We had done it, I felt.

-- Going from Jibun no Hitsugi to Fukyouwaon made for a very heavy sequence, it seems to me. Rather than the pure motivation of “I want to do this no matter what,” I think this was accompanied by a bit of a realization that “if we don’t do this, it won’t be Keyakizaka.” What do you think?

Hirate:​​ ​​​ ​I didn’t want to end with W-KEYAKIZAKA no Uta. And everyone said the same thing. During the tour, I had been helped by everyone, and in getting closer to them I heard many ideas about which I thought: “Yes, that’s true.” I wanted to repay the kindness of all the support I had received up to then and fulfil everyone else’s dreams, too. I thought my own dreams would be part of it, so I told them everything I wanted to do. When the performance began, I was very nervous. But it was great how everyone had such enthusiasm. We really wanted to astound the audience.

-- It’s an extreme way of saying it, but: “If the songs didn’t go in this order, I wouldn’t stand on stage.” When I watched, that’s the feeling I thought I saw.

Hirate:​​​ ​​​​​​ ​​There may have been some of that. When I was doing the live, I wanted to surprise people -- to give them goosebumps, even. There would definitely be some fans there who had come to every performance, and I wanted to shock even them. So on the last day only, we did a double encore. We wanted to do something different from the usual Fukyouwaon. We’d said we wanted to try it ever since Keyaki Republic, so that was wonderful. If we hadn’t, maybe I wouldn’t have wanted to go on stage.

-- Pretty complicated. Hirate-san says, “That was my dream,” but objectively speaking you were setting up something that wore you down. In other words, something that will continue depleting you became your dream. That’s the kind of personality you have.

Hirate: It's not that I have those kinds of feelings toward things that wear me down. It’s probably just that I’m always wanting to really do things. I say: “If we’re not going to do something amazing,I don’t want to go out there.”

-- “If I’m not going to be tackling something amazing, I don’t want to do it.” That’s exactly the kind of production it was, eh.

Hirate: I definitely wanted to do it. I thought it felt real. And I wanted to think up something even better for the next time. Although I was still at a loss how to do it (laughs).

People who come to our lives aren’t just seeing idols. We want to make lives where people feel we are "trying to convey something"

-- When you get a song, you have to memorize it, then memorize the choreography to sing it with, and you have to think deeply about every aspect of how to get the song’s appeal across, and what you want the song to convey. You have to put your utmost energy into it. And if you don’t do this, Hirate-san can’t perform, correct?

Hirate: That’s true. If the song-order is even a little lacking in story, I’m the kind of person who will say, “If that’s the case, then let’s stop,” or: “I don’t want to go out there.” Even if I think it is going to cause a lot of problems for the staff. If I’m going to stand there, it’s like I want to do the absolute best I can.

       

-- This may be a grandiose way of saying it, but you take responsibility. As far as “this is what Keyakizaka is,” I think this is one of the most important aspects of its essence. And you do not want to turn your eyes away from it. But I think there must be other things said than just the personal thing of “I want to fulfil my own desires and my ideal.”

Hirate: There’s “this is what I want to convey,” and “by means of this live…,” etc. If those aren’t there, I can’t do it. I can’t do it unless there’s a story. On the other hand, if there’s a story I can sometimes just ride the story and carry on. In the process I keep discussing things with [choreographer] Takahiro-sensei, and I have to keep doing that.

-- In going from Jibun no Hitsugi to Fukyouwaon, a shot rings out, and you’re smeared with blood, and then Fukyouwaonstarts, with its line “shot at by my friends.” And from there, “The End” appears on the monitors. There aren't many artists who could perform this, and Hirate-san was there to carry the core of it. It wasn’t a matter of “this staging is good,” but of “it had to be this way.” It had a feeling of necessity.

Hirate: Originally, I wanted a laser to be brought in, and for us to be shot one by one. But the thinking was that there was more impact to me alone being shot.

-- Was the image of that staging always there? In Hirate-san's mind?

Hirate: Yes, it was. Really, I wanted to convey it in a way that was easy to understand -- by handing out a brochure or something. The people watching were not just watching idols. We wanted them to think we were "trying to get convey something." In the end, we weren’t able to go that far, and I thought: “We’ll pick this up next time.” In any case, I thought it would great to be able to get those two songs across.

-- I thought: “These people think that going this far is just how they do things.” I watched thinking what noble figures you made, standing there on stage.

Hirate: I was very concerned about what people would be thinking when they went home after the show. (laughs) I wondered if we really might have pierced down into people’s inner darkness. I wondered if it we had done all right. Since it was finished, there was nothing we could do about it. But I worried about it a lot.

-- To return to what we were saying before, it was a really exhausting tour. The schedule was tough, and as we said before, it carried right on from making the album. But you were able to overcome all this and produced a terrific show that was like you, that really showed you at your best. I think this experience must have great meaning for Hirate-san. What is it that remains with you from this tour?

Hirate: I think those may have been days when I got to know myself...in the course of causing trouble for a lot of people.

-- Since Hirate-san wants to know who she is, that means she must not already know (laughs). Although you know what your own face looks like, so to speak, sometimes it must get quite blurry.

Hirate: That’s true. It’s pretty intense.

It was the first time I had told the members what I really felt. “I can’t perform this. I'd like you to help me.” And they all helped me enormously.

-- There was the tour, and now right after it comes the new song Kaze ni Fukaretemo. Its atmosphere was different from that of any of your previous singles. Can you give us some explanation of the song?

Hirate: Director Shingu [Shingu Ryouhei, who directed the MV] would always explain the song: “This part is like this and this….” And listening to him, I usually thought: “Yes, that’s true.” He’d say, “That’s just what human life is like,” or: “You said you hated adults, but no matter what, there is always something you don’t understand. There’s always something like that. So isn’t it better to live a happy life?” Hearing that, I thought: “Ah. That’s true.” And I came to sing it that way.

So what does that mean? The song was something new for Keyakizaka, and in a way it was very difficult for me. In thinking about the male protagonist, I thought, “He has been a bit in love before,” and: “She has probably blown away somewhere?” I thought: “Something must have happened.” I wanted to meet him and see.

-- So this was different from how you faced earlier songs like Eccentric and Fukyouwaon, then.

Hirate: It was very difficult for me. I had always thought of things in a heavy way, and to think of them in a lighter way was hard. But it would truly be a loss not to enjoy it. This is the only time I am a high school student and can live the high school life, and I thought “making sure to enjoy this would be a victory,” so there are places where I sing in this mood.

-- So you came to think that way.

Hirate: I want people to praise Hirate for being able to sing this song (laughs). The director asked me: “So how’s that? Is your mood like that, now?” I answered: “No, I still hate adults.” (laughs) “I guess that’s how it is,” he said. He really understood me, the director. “Yes, adults are really pretty bad,” he’d say. “I don’t think Hirate will ever get free of that.” (laughs) “But it’s better to enjoy life,” he said. After that, I came to be able to talk a lot with the members. It was fun when we were together, and the conversations were fun. I became a me I hadn’t known before.

-- What was it like, this self?

Hirate: I wasn’t used to it (laugh). I wasn’t used to it and it felt strange. I thought: “Maybe I’ll stay like this.”

-- Up to now, I doubt that “to enjoy things is a victory” was something you would say, or even think. I really doubt that you would think you could live in that way.

Hirate: Ah, I see. “Let’s rebel,” or “I hate that” -- that kind of feeling.

-- In a sense, this song has a positive message. But there are various things beneath the surface, and various kinds of life. Aren’t you singing about having gotten through the kind of time we’ve been talking about?

Hirate: It was good that this next song was like that. After the tour was over, I felt a bit relieved. Whether my what we call "bonds" with the members are right or not, I don’t know. But I feel as if we got through something together. And this song was right in the middle of that, so I think we all enjoyed singing it.  But it’s true that there is a me who can’t relax if the song doesn’t have a strong message. In Fukyouwaon I looked into the camera and delivered messages like “I hate this” and “resist more!” This time I did sometimes wonder: “What should I be trying to communicate here?”

-- I see. So why is this song so moving?  First, because it is a positive song, and has a kind of message that no Keyakizaka single up to now has had. Hirate-san had never sung this kind of song. And you’d never felt like singing one. But now you have become able to sing it.

Hirate: Uh-huh.

-- Up to now, you’d say: “My feelings just don’t go along with getting up in front of people and singing a positive message like this.” I think there was always a self that would say: “I can’t go in front of people and sing something like: ‘Keeping things vague is so cool!’” Butnow you can sing it. Especially over the past year, when you have experienced pressure and pain and exhausting difficulties, and have gotten through them. There must be some kind of savings account of life in this song. But when you sing a positive song with a smiling face, there aren’t just the words on the surface: beneath them, everything spreads out and you have to convey it all. Isn’t that somewhat how it is?

Hirate: Well... This feeling isn’t like me. No matter how much I think about it, I still don’t understand it. But as soon as I make eye-contact with the members, I start dancing with a smile (laughs). There’s definitely no feeling of being worn down by this song.

-- A song that doesn't wear you down?

Hirate: To say it in a word, the beings called “members” may be huge here. To be seen by the members, to be able to talk with the members, to be accepted by the members. I can’t explain it very well, but I got through the tour by talking with the members. Maybe it was by opening my heart to them…. Up to now, maybe I didn’t properly look at them. It's probably connected with Fukyouwaon and Getsuyoubi no Asa Sukaato wo Kirareta. During that period, all kinds of things happened. It really felt long. Now I think how much fun it is to be with the members.

-- A sad story.

Hirate: You could say that. But if another song like Fukyouwaon came along, everyone would know the me from around the time of Fukyouwaon, and I’m sure they would understand. I would want them to understand. I told the members my honest feelings for the first time. “I can’t perform this. I would like you to help me.” That took a lot of courage to say. But from there everyone helped me tremendously. The tour was the first time I had spoken my real feelings. Many times, members came to the dressing room and said: “I want to speak with Hirate.” And I spoke with them honestly. “I can’t do it,” I said. They truly all supported me and saved me, on this tour.

-- As we have spoken about up to now, there have been all kinds of stories over this one year. I asked this at the start, but I’ll ask it again: for you, what kind of year was 2017?

Hirate: A year in which I tried to face myself, perhaps. Too many things happened to say it in a word, but I came to know the person called “myself” a bit.

-- I asked this at the beginning, too, but over this year, what was making Hirate-san run?

Hirate: Maybe it was trying to fight something I hate.

-- Not to be defeated? Not to be tied down?

Hirate: I wanted to fight back. (laughs)

-- Hahaha. And you really did it.

Hirate: I wonder. It's hard to say. I want to do more amazing things from now on, as well. You might call them Keyakizaka-like things. Or maybe things that confound the fans’ expectations.

-- I see. All kinds of things really did happen over this year.

Hirate: Truly, I’m strong now. There’s still a weak me, but since there’s also a strong me, I’m ready to fight. So now I want to do lives. I enjoy being involved in making lives. Fussing over costumes, even. I still want to do it. I’ve got a lot of power now. Energy.

-- So for Hirate-san, there’s nothing like: “Now I’m going to shift gears and relax.” As you said before, “No doing things as I always have.” This is really like Hirate-san.

Hirate: I just naturally rebel right away. If someone tells me, “Do this now,” I say: “No, now I’m doing this!” (laughs)　I can't live in a straight world.

-- Maybe Hirate-san is actually too straight.

Hirate: Is that being straight? It's true that during the tour I was determined not to lie. When I didn’t go on stage in Nagoya, I was trying to express my feelings.... This may be the first time I have spoken about the tour.

-- Previously, I wrote: “Writing lyrics and writing music are amazing. But those have no necessary connection with Keyakizaka46. Writing is wonderful, it’s an amazing thing, but those are in a sense being made to order, and I think what is really being expressed is, more than anything, the way of living of the person called ‘Hirate’. “

Hirate: Fukase-san of Sekai no Owari read that, and in the conversation we had, he said: “I believe that’s true.” Since it was coming from someone who really knew, that made me very happy.

-- I see. I thought the same thing during this interview. Thank you very much for today.

Hirate: Thank you very much.

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Sorry for the long delay in getting this out. The magazine came out on 30 October. Unfortunately, I have not been able to get my own copy of the original text. This follows a Chinese translation.

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